This article is the transcript generated from an interview I had with Central China Normal University in December 2020 regarding child sexual assault. In this interview, I recounted in detail the rape incident that happened to me when I was 12 years old. I reviewed some of the reactions from myself and my family at that time and expressed some of my views on the issue of sexual assault. I hope everyone can live a safe and smooth life, but if something bad happens, I hope this article can help you. Everything is gonna be OK.
Interview Transcript#
| Timestamp | Speaker | Transcript | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Interviewee: | Hello, how are you? | ||
| Interviewer: | Hi, how are you? Good, before we start, let me mention our informed consent form again, which I sent to you earlier. | ||
| Interviewee: | Oh right, I saw it, ah, I forgot to sign it. | ||
| Interviewer: | No problem, you can send it to me later. The informed consent form mainly includes the research objective: focusing on exploring the trauma coping and disclosure processes of childhood trauma survivors. What you say is very important to me, so I need to record it. Our interview will last about thirty to sixty minutes. If this interview is interrupted or not completed, we can negotiate for the next time. You have the right to withdraw from this study at any time, and if you encounter any questions you do not want to answer during the interview, you can choose to refuse to answer. | ||
| Interviewee: | Hmm, no problem, no problem. | ||
| Interviewer: | There are also some minor risks, which is that we may discuss some topics that could trigger your emotions, which might cause some emotional fluctuations. | ||
| Interviewee: | Hmm, it’s fine, I’ve prepared my happy drink (laughs). | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, good, but I will take care of your emotions because I have experience in psychological counseling. Also, regarding your personal privacy, first, I will alter the recording to change your voice, and after I finish processing the transcript, I will delete it. Additionally, any content that can identify your personal information will be anonymized. | ||
| Interviewee: | After you generate the paper, can I get a copy? | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, you mean the thesis? Sure. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, yes, yes, that’s right, the relevant research results. Because I’m actually very curious about this matter, as I have been doing public welfare in the area of sexual assault. But as far as I know, research on sexual assault victims in China seems to be a very niche field. I’m quite curious. Yes, because when you mentioned this during the process, I was also quite curious why you chose this direction. | ||
| Interviewer: | I found this out while reading papers because there are really very few authoritative papers in China, very few. All the references I consulted were in English, so reading papers was quite painful. | ||
| Interviewee: | It’s because of my personal experience, and I have also worked with others. Because I was previously involved in public welfare, campus violence, which actually includes campus sexual assault as a form of campus violence. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm. | ||
| Interviewee: | And while doing this, I found that there is actually very little research on this in China. Including research on causes and consequences, and how to conduct systematic psychological interventions after trauma. I feel that there seems to be very little research in this area, and I’m quite curious. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, indeed very little. | ||
| Interviewee: | Hey, is your advisor also specializing in this area? | ||
| Interviewer: | No, my advisor mainly focuses on crisis intervention and suicide prevention. | ||
| Interviewee: | Ah, yes, suicide intervention seemed to be quite rare a few years ago. Suicide intervention is very necessary; my good friend passed away in August due to depression. Let’s start now. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, okay, before we start, let me introduce myself again. Although I have introduced myself before, I am from Xinyang, Henan, and I am currently 26 years old, a graduate student at the Central China Normal University Psychology Institute. I am very glad and grateful that you are willing to support and participate in this research. Before we start, could you please briefly introduce yourself, including your age, occupation, place of residence, and marital status? | ||
| Interviewee: | Ah, I am obviously unmarried now, and I am from Chengdu. As for my age, I was born in 1994, the same year as you. But I don’t know who is older by month. I am currently a programmer at Alibaba. Hmm, yes, that’s about it. I was assaulted at the age of 13. Let me think about the specific year, ah, from 2007 until now, it has been almost 14 years, more than ten years. So it should have been when I was 13 years old, not yet 13, in February 2007, if I remember correctly. | ||
| Interviewer: | You can still remember it very clearly. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, because I actually chose to make many things public. I think in China, regarding same-sex… because I am actually relatively, uh, in the conventional… (experiencing sexual assault) this is relatively rare, I am a victim of same-sex assault. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, and then everyone might focus more on heterosexual assault. But in terms of sexual assault in China, there is actually even less research on same-sex assault than on heterosexual assault, and the laws are also imperfect. So I will deliberately remember and share this matter. | ||
| Interviewer: | This requires more courage than for general girls. | ||
| Interviewee: | Ah, actually it’s okay, it’s actually okay. Yes, I think for boys, just taking my own experience as an example, the trauma for boys is a continuous process. It’s a continuous process; you might feel that what happened when you were young is somewhat trivial. But when you grow up, subconsciously, because I was previously depressed, I went through psychological diagnosis. At that time, the psychologist identified that one of the triggers might be this incident, which caused a long-term PTSD. And yes, it might be more intense than for females. But in terms of social public opinion, it might be relatively more tolerant, or I don’t know how to define it. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, okay, let’s start now, following my interview outline. Let’s talk about it like telling a story, in chronological order. That is, the background of the assault you experienced, and how you coped with it at that time. What kind of mental journey did you go through during this process? | ||
| Interviewee: | Oh, okay, actually at that time I was in a boarding school, and this matter might be quite long. I was in a boarding school, and I wasn’t really a very sociable person at that time. So the instructor defined me as a child, and he might also have sexual needs. Now that I think about it, he was a retired soldier, and this was a sexual need. Hmm, so he would cultivate my obedience for a long time. For example, I was a bit of a disobedient child at that time. So for instance, during training, military posture training, or other things, after complying, on the night of the incident, he took me to a bedroom, and we drank some alcohol, and then this incident happened. I completely lost the awareness to resist, and then this incident occurred. As for what happened afterward, the next morning I went back, and my dad treated me to sausages; it was just after the New Year, and we had sausages at home. I went home because it was Friday night, and I felt something was wrong and was very upset, so I told my dad about it. My family found out, and they realized I had been sexually assaulted, so they hurried to report it to the police, and I underwent semen collection and made a statement. Then about a year later, before he was convicted, they did my DNA test again because the bodily fluid was collected from me, and they did a DNA test again. As for my mental journey, actually, hmm, unlike girls, boys might not recognize at first that this was a rape. | ||
| Interviewer: | Actually, girls might not know either. | ||
| Interviewee: | Uh, girls might know at first because parents might educate them from a young age, saying that that area is very shameful, and they shouldn’t let boys touch it. Or touching that area is bad for them; there might be such an introduction. So girls might initially feel a sense of shame, a very clear sense of being violated. But for boys, speaking from my own experience, at first, the reaction might not be very strong. You might not even know what happened; you just feel uncomfortable and upset. | ||
| Interviewer: | And you told your father about it the next morning? | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, because at that time I felt very upset. Yes, and then because of the sausage incident, everyone understood, and my father noticed my abnormality and reported it to the police. Yes. | ||
| Interviewer: | Your father seems to be quite observant. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, I have always been very grateful to my father for this incident. Because if it were a traditional parent, they might consider covering it up for the sake of reputation, right? Covering it up, or saying: “Well, it happened, just let it go.” Then he reported it, and in the end, that guy was sentenced to four years for the crime of molesting a child, if I remember correctly. | ||
| Interviewer: | Four years. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, because one awkward point for boys is that in domestic law, sexual assault is defined as the insertion into a female sexual organ, and for boys, there is actually no concept of rape. Coincidentally, I was under fourteen at that time, so he was charged with the crime of molesting a child under Article 230 of the Criminal Law, if I remember correctly, and he was sentenced. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, from this perspective, family relationships are indeed very important. Your communication with your father… | ||
| Interviewee: | Very important, very important. I think, in fact, many people I know who have been sexually assaulted, the degree of harm from this incident largely depends on how the family handles it. If the family thinks: this is sexual assault, then I will report it in time and seek public authority or police assistance. Then this incident, the harm or cooperation, can be more enlightened, and timely psychological intervention can minimize the damage. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, what was your father’s reaction when he found out, and how did your family react? | ||
| Interviewee: | Uh, actually, my father didn’t show too much anxiety in front of me. Hmm, my father understands that as a parent, no matter how big the issue is, he cannot show anxiety in front of the child (anxiety, not calm)… My mother was in Chengdu at that time, and I was in a small place; I was born in a small place, a steel city. Then, my father was actually very calm. At that time, he did two things; if I remember correctly, the first was to call his friend because he was afraid the police wouldn’t recognize this matter. So he consulted his friend: can I go to another clinic first to fix the semen or other bodily fluids? Later, he found that these things seemed not to comply. Then my father took me to the local police station of the boarding school to make a statement, including the first wave of bodily fluid collection. Yes. | ||
| Interviewer: | Your father is really impressive. | ||
| Interviewee: | Hmm, yes. And then later, for other considerations, he brought me to Chengdu. Yes, and then he isolated me from that environment. Because once this incident is publicly reported, it will still have an impact on your growth, especially in the education system. Once you go out and transfer schools, everyone will find out that this child is not quite right (laughs). | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm. So what was your state of mind regarding your father's handling of the situation at that time? | ||
| Interviewee: | Hmm, actually, I was still in a state of confusion at that time. I didn’t really realize that this incident was a rape. At that time, I didn’t have a clear understanding of this term, that this was a rape against a boy. I just felt that this might be a bad thing. Hmm, and then I cooperated with the police to fully record and speak about this matter. When making the statement, I was still a child, and at that time, my father made the decision for me. My core motivation for going through this process was more likely a child’s obedience to elders or others; I didn’t realize what had happened. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, when did you start to realize the nature of this incident? | ||
| Interviewee: | Well, I think I initially realized it in high school, and to fully review my own experience, it should be in college. It should have been close to graduation when I fully reviewed it, and the trigger was actually the Me Too movement in China. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, it was indeed the Me Too movement. The trigger… I had a superficial review before, but to truly re-examine this matter from beginning to end, it should be the Me Too movement. Yes, that’s about the situation. | ||
| Interviewer: | What impact has this incident had on you from the time it happened until now? | ||
| Interviewee: | Uh, actually, I think it’s hard to quantify the real impact. Because many things, including after I went for psychological counseling, the doctor’s view is that this incident is subtle and pervasive, meaning it is a long-term PTSD. When I went to the hospital for diagnosis, I was diagnosed with depression, severe depression, accompanied by suicidal anxiety, and suicidal tendencies. At that time, after the doctor heard me describe this matter completely, the doctor’s evaluation was that part of my depression actually came from this incident. Yes, because, what, because I needed to take medication for depression and also undergo psychological intervention. However, it’s hard to quantify the obvious aftereffects of this incident, one is to quantify how much this incident has impacted you; I think this is unquantifiable. I think this is a subtle process. Because at the time of the assault, there was no systematic psychological intervention; I did not receive it. Yes, perhaps regarding same-sex incidents, you might initially feel that it’s nothing, but the more you think about it, the more you feel something is wrong. | ||
| Interviewer: | When were you diagnosed with depression? | ||
| Interviewee: | Ah, it should have been in 2017. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, three years ago. So before that, did you not show any specific symptoms? | ||
| Interviewee: | There were, actually, I had been suffering from neurasthenia, but I should have had it in college, but I didn’t get diagnosed because I wasn’t diagnosed. Yes, but the formal confirmation was in 2017. Yes, and so I think this incident is more likely a long-term subtle process. It doesn’t mean that you suddenly feel: hey, you’re not a clean person, and you suddenly feel like you want to jump off a building. I think that doesn’t exist, but it might be a subtle process. | ||
| Interviewer: | Where do you think this subtle influence mainly comes from? | ||
| Interviewee: | I think it might initially break your sense of completeness. You feel that you are incomplete, or you feel that you are… using traditional terms, you feel that you are unclean, do you understand what I mean? | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, I guess subconsciously, you might add such a label to yourself. I think this might be caused by social atmosphere. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, so after high school, you gradually started to have this awareness. When you were younger, you didn’t really know the nature of this incident? | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, yes, yes, boys actually have a troublesome issue in this regard. Initially, if you are the boy who has been sexually assaulted, when you are young, you might think this is a game; you might feel that this is more of a game. But as you grow older, you gradually realize that this is not… (a word, unclear) eh? Why does it feel so wrong? | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, so you gradually became aware of it. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, that’s right. | ||
| Interviewer: | You initially chose to tell your father, not that you actively told him; he noticed this matter himself. Later, did you ever disclose this matter again? When was the next time you told someone about it, and what was the reason? | ||
| Interviewee: | I think it should still be in college. I had only told a few good friends before, and I officially chose to disclose this matter after college or close to graduation, after the Me Too incident, because I felt that my experience, because at that time I also had a background in public welfare, I was previously in a rescue team. I served in the rescue team during college, and I did some things in a private capacity, including campus violence and campus sexual assault, which I was also involved in. I felt that I needed to make this matter meaningful. So I chose to publicly share my experience. Because I think that if an incident can only become your own pain or your own suggestion, then whether you are in pain or not is not very meaningful. Yes, and this matter is relatively easier to help others because, as you know, child sexual assault is actually a very common issue. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, actually, and the family’s intervention is also very important. I chose to share my experience on Zhihu, including my experiences at that time and some methods my family used, including some shortcomings my family had at that time due to cognitive reasons, not seeking timely psychological intervention. I hope to share these things so that I can make my experience more meaningful, not limited to the harm I suffered. | ||
| Interviewer: | You did really well. | ||
| Interviewee: | Ah, (sighs deeply) yes, this is also the reason I participated in your research. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, I also see that you said this is the meaning of your sharing. | ||
| Interviewee: | Hmm, yes, I think everyone suffers harm, and then how to turn the trauma and harm you have suffered into something more meaningful beyond the harm is a very interesting topic. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, very meaningful and valuable. | ||
| Interviewee: | Hmm, yes, this is my own choice, my own disclosure of a, psychological activity. | ||
| Interviewer: | Good, and you just mentioned that you told a good friend. When did you tell your good friend, and how did they respond? What was their attitude and reaction at that time? | ||
| Interviewee: | They actually felt it was unbelievable. Just like that, and they felt that out of concern for my protection, they told me that this matter should not be told to others. Out of goodwill, they wanted me not to tell others about this matter. And this matter didn’t change much in our later interactions because they were good friends. | ||
| Interviewer: | That’s also because you trust them very much. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, because it was during a casual chat that I mentioned this matter. There was nothing to guard against; I just mentioned it. Although my parents always told me: you must not tell others about this matter. But I have never been a good child. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, so you also received some support from your friends. | ||
| Interviewee: | Hmm, yes, that’s right. | ||
| Interviewer: | Many children choose to tell their parents, which can cause secondary harm. So your father’s handling of this matter is really precious. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, yes, I think that for people who have been sexually assaulted, from my own experience, a large part of the harm actually comes from the original family. We can’t avoid saying that many people, including girls, feel that they might not be able to get married, and the pressure from the original family is: “You can’t get married, how can you be like this?” This is victim-blaming, right? Victim-blaming. “Hey, who told you to wear so little? Why did you wear so little?” Actually, my parents also had a bit of this; my mother also said: “Hey, if you had been more sociable, your instructor wouldn’t have picked on you!” I think this kind of blame is unnecessary. | ||
| Interviewer: | Yes, yes, it’s clearly the perpetrator’s fault, yet they still want to point out your flaws. So how did you feel facing your mother’s blame? | ||
| Interviewee: | My mother wasn’t malicious. She was just educating me to be sociable. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, actually, when I was young, I didn’t really want to be sociable for the sake of being sociable, but they are elders, and she wanted to educate me to be sociable. So she might have used an inappropriate example. But the inappropriate example also indicates that the pressure and harm I encountered, many times, are actually greater than the harm caused by the sexual assault, which might come from the harshness of the original family. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, yes, indeed. | ||
| Interviewee: | Good, do you think there are factors that promote your expression of this matter, and what are the factors that hinder your expression of this matter? | ||
| Interviewer: | Oh, actually, there aren’t many factors that hinder me from expressing this matter. | ||
| Interviewee: | Hmm, I’ve noticed that too. | ||
| Interviewer: | Yes, because I think you all say “It’s none of my business,” using terminology, it’s “What does it have to do with me?” Then I say my story; if you can accept it, then fine, if you can’t, then don’t look at it. You don’t pay me money or salary, right? My personality is relatively, how to say, unconventional, so I think it’s okay. Another thing that promotes my disclosure might be the change in attitudes towards sexual assault victims in China. Hmm, it’s a… because previously, maybe in the 2000s or a few years ago or even earlier, sexual assault was considered a very shameful matter, meaning it’s disgraceful. “How shameful you,” meaning how could you be like this? Just like the example I just gave, if you were sexually assaulted, you must have dressed too little, you must have dressed too provocatively, or you must have dressed too revealingly. Ah, this kind of victim-blaming. In recent years, attitudes towards sexual assault victims in China have gradually improved. And as I mentioned earlier, another opportunity might be the Me Too movement. I think that disclosing this matter and letting others know can help soothe the pain of being sexually assaulted. Especially if some people tell you: my child, uh, but I don’t hope for such a day, ah, but if one day a father or mother comes to you and says: my child was sexually assaulted, and I did what you said. I actually think if such a thing happens, it can heal many things. But I hope such a situation never occurs. | ||
| Interviewee: | Hmm. | ||
| Interviewer: | Yes, and I think this might be, uh, a form of self-salvation. The second is that I hope to give back some of my experiences. | ||
| Interviewee: | Hmm. After recalling the entire experience, what are your feelings now? Can you summarize it in one word? | ||
| Interviewer: | Ah! It’s okay. | ||
| Interviewee: | Okay? If you summarize it in one word? | ||
| Interviewer: | Ah, it’s okay, just like after arguing with a product manager, how to say, ah, relaxed. | ||
| Interviewee: | Relaxed? | ||
| Interviewer: | Yes, relaxed. I think, how to say, I feel that discussing this issue face to face actually brings some sense of relief after the conversation, just like after arguing with a product manager, you feel: wow, that’s great. | ||
| Interviewee: | The joy of being a programmer. | ||
| Interviewer: | Ah, yes. Can you elaborate a bit on why you feel this way? | ||
| Interviewee: | Because I feel that when you speak online with a virtual identity, everyone knows that the ID of Maixasaka is me. Because I feel that I am quite active in this community, everyone might think that the ID of Maixasaka is me, and I will also say in WeChat groups that everyone sees, ah, this WeChat ID is Maixasaka is me. But I feel that talking to you, a real person, one-on-one, is relatively a stranger. I have actually discussed this matter in depth with my girlfriend. That is to say, talking to you, a stranger, one-on-one about this matter is also healing something inside me. Because subconsciously, I might initially think this is still a shameful matter. So I thought about doing it online with a virtual identity. When I come to do this interview, it actually means I have some shackles, which are still (very big?) (unclear). | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, you mentioned when I contacted you, you said you were going to smoke a cigarette. I felt that maybe you thought you needed to prepare emotionally to face this matter. | ||
| Interviewee: | Oh, actually, you are the first one to talk about this matter one-on-one with a relatively unfamiliar identity. | ||
| Interviewer: | Can you say that word slowly? One what? | ||
| Interviewee: | Just one-on-one, it means one-to-one, face-to-face. | ||
| Interviewer: | Oh. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, we should call it one-on-one here, and then talk to the boss one-on-one. | ||
| Interviewer: | Oh, before I interrupt you, what were you going to say? Go ahead. | ||
| Interviewee: | Oh, no, actually, I think, yes, when you talk about this matter with a virtual identity, it’s a warm way to discuss this matter. I think it’s two different experiences. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, indeed. You just mentioned your girlfriend, because your girlfriend is the closest person to you besides your parents. You told her about this matter, can you elaborate on the process of telling her and what kind of mental work you did? | ||
| Interviewee: | Just before going to bed at night, I talked to her about this matter from my childhood. Actually, it’s nothing much because she knows everything about me. She didn’t have much reaction; she just felt very heartbroken. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, heartbroken. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, yes, yes, and I think discussing this matter with someone close is actually nothing much. Of course, the premise is that your close person won’t blame you: why did you wear so little back then, why were you so provocative? Yes, I think discussing such matters is a relatively good way to promote feelings. That is to say, it’s mutual analysis. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, it’s that kind of completely trusting state. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, that’s right. | ||
| Interviewer: | What is your understanding of the current situation of child sexual assault? | ||
| Interviewee: | Very serious, very serious, because sexual assault is actually a very large concept. I might say something a bit explicit below, don’t mind. That is to say, sexual assault may not be limited to just, uh, an act of rape. Just insertion; it may also include marginal sexual assault, such as hugging and holding for little girls or little boys, or even touching sexual organs. Yes, and this is becoming increasingly diverse. For ordinary people, I think, for ordinary people, they might think that sexual assault is a male against a female. Later, people might realize that male against male is also sexual assault. But now these situations may become more diverse, such as, uh, I might not do any substantial invasive work. I might just say, hey, I see a little girl, I hug her, or I have some evil thoughts, I do some touching of sexual organs. Or, or, because I have actually seen, if you pay attention, you can see many cases, just like, uh, I ask a little girl to help me with oral sex with a lollipop, that is to say, once for oral sex, right? Hmm, I have actually seen such cases, and then, or, or ask a little boy to do it once orally, or something else. And this identity may change. It may later become diverse, that is, I am a woman in my twenties or thirties, or I have a relatively open lifestyle. Hmm, yes, and then I flirt with a child and have sexual relations with him. In my view, this is also a form of sexual assault. Because before the little boy’s sexual concept matures, this action will have a significant impact on him, and his sexual orientation or sexual behavior will be greatly influenced. Including now, in fact, homosexuality is also being brought to the table, that is, if I, as a homosexual, forcibly turn someone, or if I sexually assault a little boy, this is also a form of sexual assault. In fact, sexual assault is currently very serious, and child sexual assault is indeed a very serious matter. Moreover, it is becoming diversified. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, but relevant laws have indeed not kept up. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, that’s right. For example, uh, if I, uh, for example, if I am a woman in my twenties or thirties, and I sexually assault a boy, a boy in his teens, if I have another identity, I am a teacher, or in another country, I can receive a heavier punishment. However, in China, the legal actions in this area are not perfect. For example, if this boy is under 14 years old, you might be charged with the crime of molesting a child. Then, for example, under 14 years old, it is rape, which is actually limited to females, not males, because in China, rape is still defined as the insertion of a male sexual organ into a female. So I think there is still a lot of room for improvement in our country’s laws. Including timely psychological intervention after being sexually assaulted. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, yes, indeed, it is in urgent need of improvement. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, in fact, in China, sexual assault is currently diversified. For example, child sexual assault is actually diversified. Because life has improved, people will actually wonder what’s going on? Moreover, for example, sexual assault among same-sex peers is also very serious. For example, the behavior of bullying in campus violence can transform into sexual assault; such matters have not been taken seriously. | ||
| Interviewer: | There is still a long way to go. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, that’s right. | ||
| Interviewer: | Then what do you think victims of childhood sexual assault need in terms of intervention and help? | ||
| Interviewee: | Oh, I think the most powerful is public authority. | ||
| Interviewer: | What? Public authority? | ||
| Interviewee: | Hmm, the intervention of public authority, that is, the intervention of government departments. At that time, this matter actually didn’t have much impact because the police left a deep impression on me. Yes, because I didn’t have time to eat dinner at that time, and I remember that the police station was still in contact with my father… (signal issue, unclear) Because generally, in such small places, the police might feel very impatient about such matters: it’s okay, you guys go home and handle it yourselves. Just muddle through, the traditional way of grassroots, muddling through. But that police officer was very responsible, and I remember that I hadn’t eaten breakfast at that time, and the statement was recorded until after two in the afternoon, and I hadn’t collected bodily fluids. As a child, I was hungry, and I remember I ate a bag of apple slices in his office at that time, and I still remember it. And yes, I think this kind of timely intervention by public authority can provide a very appropriate guarantee for children. Because everyone has a recognition from a young age: police officers are good people. If you are bullied, the police will come to help you, right? So, yes, the intervention of public authority must be the first priority, that is, timely intervention from family and public authority is the first priority. The second thing that I think is very important is that within a month of the sexual assault, regardless of whether the child shows any abnormalities at that time, it is essential to seek timely psychological intervention. Yes, because sexual assault is actually similar to other things; you, who study psychology, must know better than I do, that sexual assault, like other things, means that the harm done will inevitably have some PTSD-related issues. If you do not seek psychological intervention, then this matter may leave a knot in your heart. For example, there is a writer in Taiwan named Zhang Yuan, the one who committed suicide. I forgot her name. | ||
| Interviewer: | Lin Yihan. | ||
| Interviewee: | Ah, yes, Lin Yihan, and she actually, she might be like me, a resilient person, but people like her might suffer from PTSD, and combined with various misunderstandings, depression, and suicide. I think that’s why timely intervention from public authority and timely psychological intervention is essential and very important. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, indeed. | ||
| Interviewee: | But I feel that in China, there seem to be very few specialized psychological interventions for child sexual assault. | ||
| Interviewer: | Indeed very few. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, I think this area is in urgent need of improvement. Because using adult psychological intervention methods for children is (a word, unclear) different. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, first of all, psychology in China has just started to develop, it is in the initial stage. | ||
| Interviewee: | Ah, it means that these things still need time to improve. | ||
| Interviewer: | Yes, indeed, it needs a process. But it is gradually getting better. | ||
| Interviewee: | To be honest, I think in the short term, it may not be possible to see significant improvements. | ||
| Interviewer: | Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| Interviewee: | Ah, the road ahead is long. | ||
| Interviewer: | The road is long. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, in fact, I think for children, timely and surrounding help is very important. | ||
| Interviewer: | What suggestions do you have for preventing and intervening in child sexual assault? This question is actually similar to the previous one. | ||
| Interviewee: | Prevention, in fact, you can’t solve this matter; you can’t prevent it. Because sexual assault means that one party, uh, regardless of physical strength or other factors, must be superior to the other party. Right? | ||
| Interviewer: | Yes. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes. I’ll give a not-so-appropriate example: sexual assault, this matter can only be addressed by giving some preventive measures. For example, girls are commonly told: girls, don’t let boys touch you, and then this kind of thing. But if, for example, I decide to use violence, I’ll give an inappropriate example; I hope you don’t mind. For example, if I see a little girl, yes, I use violence, I hug her, and do something excessive, do you think she has the ability to resist? No, right? | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, and do you think this matter can be prevented? No way. So I think prevention is actually a very luxurious thing because it requires a systematic construction. It’s a very luxurious thing. I think what’s more important is to tell children that this matter is not a shameful thing. If you are assaulted, it is not your fault; you need to tell your parents in time. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, yes. | ||
| Interviewee: | I think this is actually more important than prevention. | ||
| Interviewer: | Very pertinent, hmm. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, because, uh, you should also see many anonymous posts on Zhihu, where family members feel embarrassed, especially girls, and then family members don’t tell them these things. Right? I think this might be because many things cannot be prevented. For example, walking on the road, suddenly someone has malicious intent; how can you prevent it? You can’t prevent it. Unless you carry a knife with you, and if someone dares to touch me, I’ll cut him. This kind of thing is, of course, a joke, and I think this matter must cultivate a concept: this matter is not a shameful thing, it’s not your fault; you need to (tell your family? unclear, uncertain). | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, mainly the influence from the family is particularly significant. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, I actually think the influence of public authority is also very significant. Because many grassroots, in fact, many of them, although they say they are police officers, may not have legal awareness. Then they might subconsciously say, because this is a small place, they might say: for the sake of your daughter, let’s settle this matter. Let’s not go through the legal process; you all just settle it. I think grassroots, they might feel that, uh, just don’t muddle through, don’t assume the victim is guilty; this matter is not their fault. I think establishing a systematic understanding of this matter is very important. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, looking back at your coping methods, what kind of feelings do you have? | ||
| Interviewee: | My father did very well, ah, but he could have done even better. But this is actually hindsight; I can’t go back to 2007 and say, “Ah, sorry, let me check.” Anyway, I think he did very well at that time; the whole process was smooth, and I am very grateful to him. Yes, but I think if I look back from my current perspective, I feel that it might still lack the psychological intervention I just mentioned. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, and what about your own coping methods? You chose to speak out. If you hadn’t spoken out, what do you think would have happened? | ||
| Interviewee: | Oh, actually, many things cannot be hypothesized. I don’t know what would happen if I didn’t speak out. I feel that this matter is actually unquantifiable. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, then how do you feel about your coping methods? How do you view them? | ||
| Interviewee: | I actually don’t have any particularly special feelings. I just feel that I did something I should do. There’s nothing particularly special about it. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, I also designed a question: if you could go back to the time when this incident happened, what would you do? | ||
| Interviewee: | To be honest, I feel that this question doesn’t have much significance. Because, as I said earlier, many times, it is in a disadvantaged position; campus sexual assault is actually a very naive thing regarding sex. You can’t assume that you have complete sexual knowledge. If you could go back and possess his body, then how would you act? I think this assumption is actually meaningless. I’m being quite straightforward. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, because perhaps boys are more rational, but for me, I hope I could go back. I have imagined such a scenario: if I could go back, I could avoid all of this from happening, which is an emotional outlet. That’s why I ask this question. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, it’s an emotional outlet, but for the majority of people, this matter is actually meaningless. We can only look forward, just like I said earlier. Actually, I know what you mean; you want to say I should summarize a set of experiences to avoid what happened at that time. But as I said earlier, many times, the victims of child sexual assault are facing adults, and they are facing various adults. They actually have very little room for choice. I feel like your emotions seem to be fluctuating a bit. | ||
| Interviewer: | No, it’s because I thought of those girls I interviewed earlier; the perpetrators were all minors, except for one adult, the rest were all middle school students, boys around fourteen years old. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, sigh, I actually think this matter is purely a matter of misfortune. Because this matter, for example, if I’m walking on the road and suddenly something falls from the twelfth floor and kills me, I can’t say I knew something would fall from above at 3:10 today and avoid it. This matter is unpredictable unless I have superpowers. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, well, let me add a question: after the entire interview, what are your feelings, and what are your feelings about this interview? | ||
| Interviewee: | Oh, I feel that, actually, I think it’s okay. At first, I thought your attitude would be a bit pushy, slightly aggressive, a bit academic, but I feel that after the whole conversation, it’s quite good. And yes, but I hope that more people can conduct research in this area. | ||
| Interviewer: | I hope so too. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, I think I hope more people can conduct this research. Actually, I don’t mind doing interviews, but I hope there are more people. To be honest, I’m also very curious why you are the first one to find me? Why hasn’t anyone else found me? I’m actually curious about this question. | ||
| Interviewer: | Do you think someone should have done this research a long time ago? | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, I think it’s not a new thing; it’s not a new thing. I think although psychological research in China has started late in this area, it shouldn’t be that in 2020, there are still no researchers starting to do this. It’s almost 2021, and only now are people looking for past incidents. But it could also be that I’m not in the circle; I don’t know. It could also be that I’m not in the circle; I don’t know. | ||
| Interviewer: | In fact, I wanted to write this a long time ago, but I was afraid to tell my advisor, fearing rejection. They would say this is a particularly sensitive topic, and the feasibility is very low. | ||
| Interviewee: | Okay, okay, okay, I understand. I’m actually very curious; when you finally decided to do this topic, what did your advisor and boss think? | ||
| Interviewer: | My teacher supported me. But he said you need to consider one issue: you might not find enough subjects because this is a very sensitive issue, and finding research subjects is very difficult. | ||
| Interviewee: | Ah, yes. | ||
| Interviewer: | Is there anything else you want to say or express that I haven’t mentioned? | ||
| Interviewee: | Oh, actually, I think you’ve done quite well with this topic. I think we’ve covered most of what I wanted to discuss. I just hope that research in this area in China can keep up. I’m not even talking about the legal aspect because the law is bound to lag behind social development. Yes, I’m not even talking about the law; I just hope that psychological intervention can keep up in a timely manner. Including everyone’s perspective, just never face a sexual assault victim and say: you wore too little, you were too provocative, you were too revealing… This kind of victim-blaming should never be mentioned. | ||
| Interviewer: | Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| Interviewee: | That’s all; I just want to say “screw you!” Anyway, I think what you’re doing is quite meaningful. As I said earlier, I’m very curious why it’s only in 2020 that someone found me. Of course, I’m not in the circle; maybe someone did it earlier, and I just didn’t know; it just happened to me. But I think it should indeed be very rare. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, in 2013 and 2014, some people also did research because I saw some related master's theses. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, anyway, I hope your research goes smoothly. I feel that if you have doubts about doing this, I don’t know if you have doubts about doing this. If you do, I want to make it clear: doing this is very meaningful. | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, thank you, thank you. | ||
| Interviewee: | Yes, okay, do you have anything else you want to ask? | ||
| Interviewer: | Currently, no. Everything you did is very meaningful. | ||
| Interviewee: | Thank you. Then shall we leave it at that? | ||
| Interviewer: | Hmm, okay, then you get busy, bye-bye. | ||
| Interviewee: | Bye-bye. |
Summary#
There are actually many things I want to say, but I don’t know how to say them all at once. Here, I will quote a sentence written by my interviewee in the paper as a conclusion.
I firmly believe that a single spark can start a prairie fire.
Everything is gonna be OK.