The achievements of youth may be negotiable at times, and the actions of youth may be debatable at times. For the spirit of independence and the freedom of thought, even after a hundred years, they will still flow like the Tuo River, forever bright.
Actually, I suddenly realized that I haven't written anything special to commemorate this year.
Today, February 10th, there are five days left until I leave my job, eleven days left until I leave Chengdu, and seventeen days left until I start my new job. Sitting in my room, looking at the clouds and mist outside the window, slowly, with something, I want to commemorate the past year.
Clouds Rising#
Hey man, think about this world and go fuck it
In 2016, at the beginning of the year, I encountered a setback that could be considered influential for the future. Looking back at the four years of my university life, I might be more of a loser, failing in competitions and having a quarter of my major courses failed, resulting in delayed graduation. However, as someone with a proud heart, I don't like being looked down upon by other losers. It doesn't feel good.
Under the guidance of my mentor, I slowly fell into the pit of Python, preparing to find a job that could put food on the table before graduation. As a newborn calf is not afraid of tigers, when I was still ignorant of everything, the result of my first job interview hit me hard. But now, I am still grateful for what the interviewer taught me at that time. Perhaps these things made me understand the attitude and responsibility that a true programmer should have.
Fortunately, I passed the second job interview and started working. Well, this can be considered a good start.
Dark Clouds#
When passion and novelty fade away, all that remains in life is perseverance.
After starting my job, the freshness period ended, and I entered the same routine as before, working from 9 to 2. Maybe when I thought I would continue like this, I met Xiaotian, Monkey, and a group of experienced Android developers (how did I, a Python developer, start collaborating with Android developers every day?). Then I joined Juejin, translating some interesting technical articles as someone who failed the CET-4 exam. I gathered with a group of buddies under the name of the "Backyard of the Master".
If I were to describe this period of time, it would be like the thick clouds outside the window. It seems calm on the surface, but it's actually thrilling. Unable to see the direction of the sunlight, I can only follow the tide and move forward. I don't know what my future will be like, and I feel discontented, but I can only persist step by step. However, I always tell myself to keep going. I have cried countless times, but I have never given up.
I really want to thank the people around me, the cool sister at work, Taoge, and my friends at Lundao, Tongtong's Backyard with 12 buddies (Tongtong, Yanhui, Yangge, Manyu, Dashu, Gailen, Bobo, Tiantian, Lao Ye, Lao Ke, Wuyuetian, Xueli). When I couldn't see the sunlight and the future in the clouds, these people, with their love and excellence, at least prevented me from losing myself in the flow.
By the way, as I expected, my degree certificate was delayed.
And then, someone's death, it really is the best news.
Doubts#
Why are we born? Why do we fight? Why do we move forward?
After spending a long time with outstanding people, you can't help but want to become as excellent as them. But the deep-rooted inferiority in my heart tells me that these things are too far away from me. The feelings of unease, discontent, inferiority, and arrogance intertwine, creating an indescribable taste.
Actually, during this period of time, I experienced the meaning of a phrase, "a mixture of joy and sorrow". The sorrow is mainly regret. During that time, I was sentimental, as my friend said, "You have truly become a jerk" (but when haven't I been?). The joy is that I struggled in this intersection and finally figured out what I really want to do and should do.
By the way, I finally received my degree certificate.
Clouds Clearing#
The bird flying in the darkness will eventually be saved by the Lord and bathe freely in the sunlight.
After receiving my degree certificate, the desire to go out and see a bigger world became even more wild. Writing resumes, submitting applications, seeking referrals. Each interview was a test of physical and mental strength.
But in the interviews, the biggest gain was the affirmation of myself. The content and results of the interviews told me that I seemed to have become a decent newcomer. The heart that had long been covered by inferiority experienced the warmth of the sunlight during this period. Maybe in the future, I won't sink into inferiority anymore?
Well, in the end, I'm very fortunate to have met some interviewers who were willing to give me a chance. This special gift can be considered the best New Year's gift that destiny has given me.
Finally#
There are still ten days left until I leave Chengdu. There are many things I want to say, but I don't know how to say them. I still have no idea about the future, but I will rarely be lost in confusion.
Don't think about the past or the homeland, just try new tea with a new fire. Enjoy poetry and wine while we're young.
Well, enjoy poetry and wine while we're young!