This article should have been finished at the end of 2020. However, I am a procrastinator, and when I write this article, I think of some people who have already left, so I have been unwilling to start writing until now. But at the end of the lunar new year, I still have to write it and summarize my year.
Beginning#
Well, 2020 was actually a shitty year. Countless times, I cursed in my heart, "2020, damn you!" (Admiral Yamamoto would agree)
But 2020 was actually a pretty good year, and I estimate that I will benefit from the things I learned from this year countless times in the future.
So, let's call it Schrödinger's 2020? (Well, this is just Manjusaka's 2020)
Work#
It's New Year's Eve, so let's start with something sad. My friends who know me well know that, from the perspective of job level, my career in 2020 can be described as a failure.
Yep, that's right, I was demoted, and my promotion was rejected. Can you believe it? I was furious.
You could say that it was impossible for me not to be upset. When I found out about the demotion at the beginning of 2019, my mindset exploded. My boss said something that left a deep impression on me at the time, "Why are you so anxious? I remember you weren't like this when you first came in."
After accepting the demotion in my heart, I started to work hard to get promoted again, but then my promotion was rejected. What the hell?
But looking back, this experience, especially during the time when it happened and the following period, made me anxious and restless. But from my current perspective, I can reflect on many things.
After going through this special experience, my mindset has become relatively calm. In a sense, I am more composed than when I first joined Alibaba Cloud. As I mentioned to my boss before, I now prefer to do things that I approve of, rather than doing things purely for the sake of promotion six months later. Often, when you plan everything meticulously, you end up failing in the end. It's not worth it.
Well, at the beginning of the transition, my boss said something to me that I found very useful:
The things you are experiencing now may be difficult for you to accept in the present moment, but if you look at it from the perspective of your entire life, which spans several decades, they may not be such a big deal after all.
Putting aside job levels, in all honesty, during my time at Alibaba Cloud, although I experienced the pain of customer support and continuous overtime, I can say that I still enjoyed my work during this period.
In the cloud department, my main job was to develop a gateway product from scratch with my colleagues. After the organizational restructuring last year, I started working on monitoring services.
In this process, my role changed from being a pure internal infra RD at Ele.me to being a cloud product developer. I think this change in role allowed me to look at infra from a different perspective. If, during the internal period, you could force the implementation of what you did through non-technical means, then when developing cloud products, if your product cannot provide sufficient cost and features, customers will not pay for your product (of course, if your dad is the customer's boss, ignore what I just said).
This change in perspective allowed me to think more from the customer's point of view about the significance of what we were doing. Through the experience of customer support, I was able to get closer to the real usage scenarios and business of our customers. I think this experience was very important for me.
Another aspect is that during my time in the cloud, I had enough opportunities and motivation to explore relatively niche and in-depth technologies such as kernel, eBPF, and SystemTap. I think that was pretty good too.
But when it comes to work, there's one fact that I can't avoid (and the reason why I hesitated to write this article): in 2020, I lost my earliest mentor when I first entered the workplace, and also my best friend. If my mentor's most important gift to me in the early stages of my career was the idea that "learning anything requires a systematic approach," then the gift he gave me was the correct professional attitude, the correct way to ask questions, and many other small but valuable things that have benefited me for life. So, RIP & 2020, damn you!
Relationships#
My relationship with Jingche has entered its third year and is still very sweet. Jingche takes care of me as always. For example, the clothes I'm wearing now were all bought by Jingche, and this article was written on the HHKB Hybrid that Jingche bought for me!
And we took beautiful couple photos together for the first time! To be honest, one of my favorite things to do after receiving the finished couple photos is to change my WeChat profile picture. Hhhh (I'm escaping)
But honestly, many times I feel that I am not yet a qualified boyfriend. I often neglect small things and details (= = I'm desperate), which unintentionally make her very unhappy. As she jokingly calls me, I am the "King of Disappointment." And my previous health issues in 2019, caused by my own stupidity, also caused Jingche a lot of worry.
So, sometimes I also think that it's quite miraculous that Jingche hasn't kicked me out. But I have set many goals for myself and will gradually change many of my bad habits! But here, I suddenly want to quote a sentence that I often say in a letter to Jingche every year:
My dear, I appreciate and enjoy your love.
Oh, by the way, at the beginning of the year, Jingche and I made a list of things we want to do together this year, hoping to continue walking together. (Confessing my love to Jingche again!)
Technology#
Well, actually at the beginning of last year, for various reasons, I didn't set any specific goals for myself, so let's talk about what I did in the past year.
In terms of reading, a few books left a deep impression on me:
- Designing Data-Intensive Applications
- Kubernetes in Action
- BPF Performance Tools
And for various reasons, I reviewed/read several papers, such as the impressive "Cloud Programming Simplified: A Berkeley View on Serverless Computing" and "Maglev: A Fast and Reliable Software Network Load Balancer."
In terms of community involvement, I participated in the organization of PyCon China 2021 as usual and gave two presentations at meetups. I also received the MVP award from Microsoft, fulfilling a long-standing wish of becoming a Microsoft fan.
Overall, my output may not have been as much as before, and I may have been a bit lazy. I'll explain the specific reasons later. But it's still a decent performance. I hope to continue making progress in technology in 2021.
Life#
Well, in fact, there have been quite a few changes in my life over the past year. First of all, seriously speaking, I'm not wearing camouflage anymore! (Actually, it's because Jingche couldn't stand it and took care of my entire wardrobe!)
At the beginning of the year, a new member joined our family, a "simple," "honest," and "steady" red tabby Maine Coon cat named Nian Nian. With this addition, we now have four cats at home! Nian Nian has brought a lot of joy to our lives (except when she steps on my stomach).
Another significant change in my life over the past year is that I realized for the first time that, in addition to technology and sleep, life is also important. I started playing games with my dear Jingche from time to time (playing Animal Crossing together, breaking up in Overcooked), watching dramas together, and shopping on Taobao together. To be honest, I feel very happy. It's an experience I've never had before. Hhhhhh
On the other hand, in 2020, I did something that was probably important to me. After being diagnosed with depression in 2017, which was analyzed to be caused by PTSD from childhood sexual abuse, I chose to continuously share my experiences in writing. Last year, I participated in a research project at East China Normal University, where I faced the details of my sexual abuse, my mental state at the time, and reflected on it.
This experience was also very important to me. I hope that through my efforts and the efforts of others, research related to the psychological intervention of sexually abused children in China can further develop. I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to my dear Jingche for her support. Whenever I felt extremely depressed due to my childhood experiences, she was always there to hug and comfort me. Jingche also supports and encourages me to share my experiences. At the same time, we decided to donate the income I received from participating in the research to a public welfare foundation.
Do Good Deeds, Don't Ask About the Future#
Well, that's about it. To be honest, 2020 was a very special year for me. I cried, I stayed strong, I thought about giving up, but I kept going.
In this year, or rather the past four years, I would like to thank many people who have accompanied me and shown me a bigger world. My dear Jingche, my mentor, a few close friends, my partner in "Snake Catcher Says," my past leaders, and friends I met on Twitter. Thank you for being with me and showing me more. And I also want to thank myself for persisting until today, even after countless times of wanting to give up.
A few days ago, I looked at my bank statement from China Merchants Bank, which showed that my income was higher than in 2019. I felt a mix of emotions and said to my dear, "Our life will only get better."
Well, everything is gonna be OK.
If four years ago, in my 2017 summary, the words I gave to myself were "Enjoy poetry and wine while young." Then, after four years of setbacks, reflection, and growth, which may not be rich but are of great significance to me, the words I choose to give to myself, the title of this record, are:
Do Good Deeds, Don't Ask About the Future